13 July 2010, 12:34 pm
Forgive me If i sound too emotional, please bear with me... Sometimes I ask myself, do i just love her or am i in love with her? I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years 2 months ago. She's a smart, beautiful girl and received a scholarship to California State University, Sacramento in Biochemistry. Distance pulled us apart as I reside in Los Angeles. We tried our best to work things out and maintain the relationship. I wrote her letters and poems, send her gifts and gave her flowers when she least expects it. I even drove up there couple of times and it was like all the joy in the world when I get to see her. And it breaks my heart to see her cry through my rear view as I drove away.. even if she denied it. She comes from a low income family and she couldn't do all the things that I've done for her and that doesn't bother me. Even if she came down here once, I was thankful that she did and i knew she truly loves me. During the relationship, there's been trust issues on both sides and we tend to argue quiet often. As I'm usually active on the outdoors, doing sports and photography and she always calls me on the worse times when I'm attending those activities. Same goes to when I call her and she doesn't pick up because she's busy with her studies... or hanging out with her friends. Sometimes I hang out with the boys and she'll call. I always pick up because I know I'll have my phone with me. There's usually girls around whenever I hang out, they're usually the girl of one of the guys or just close friends. Point is, I don't see myself being with any of them or do I have feelings for, I love HER. Only HER. She gets extremely jealous and thinks I'm cheating on her when I'm not. She would ignore my call and texts, I did all that i can to gain her trust again. I even left her alone for quiet some time before I speak to her again. Even that doesn't work. Does that mean she doesn't love me anymore? Like i can tell the whole world that she's the only girl I truly love, but now it's so hard to make your only one believe you. Sigh... it's so damn complicated! I know when all attempts fail, I should move on with my life.. but that's easier said than done. It's like walking on a quicksand and trying to move forward as fast as you can... Every step that you take, you're just sinking down, unless there's a hand on the other side to pull you up. And I don't have that hand. I still wish it would be hers. My life feels hopeless that now she is gone... the pain and her absence is overwhelming and I always see her in every passing face and every little thing I do. I tried going out more and do the usual activites but at the end of the day, I'm still tearing up on my side... I even adopted a kitty to keep me company... at times I would cry when I stare when the cat runs around, being playful and see how happy it is. I love cats and I know I'm doing a good thing to adopt one because the shelter near by would euthanize them if the pound gets too full.....sigh I don't know to do.. I hope you guys can give me a little more support...Just anything and I'll do my best to make it happen... Time remains so mysterious when you need the best to come. Even when she promised me that she'll forever love me and never let me go. It is said promises are meant to be broken, but that one moment, it was more than just a promise. She looked me in the eye with a smile and sealed those words with a kiss... ='[... Read More »
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